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2016 - What's beyond hope?

12/1/2016

I am finding it hard to sustain a sense of hope in the face of local and international changes. So many decisions seem to be made from fear and insecurity, so much violence and abuse on every stream of information I receive. The recent attacks in the Cologne train station have somehow pushed me over the edge. They are harrowing in their scale and also because I know the place and station well. Adding theses attacks to the refugee crisis, international incompetence in the face of environmental disaster, the rise of ISIS in the middle east, flooding in the village my Grandparents lived in England; there seems to be so much change happening that I cannot wield any influence over.

My reaction has been to work harder for change in the spheres of influence I do have. However, this just makes me more tired and I know that busyness is a tried and tested strategy for avoidance in my life. As Will Taegel said:

"We mistakenly believe that if we just work harder we will feel better."

The other things I have been doing is reaching out to old friends and re-connecting to my past remembering when I felt more hopeful. This has included sorting out old photos and finally digitizing my whole music collection. Images and music vividly bring back the earlier parts of my life. I have been reminded how incredibly hopeful I was as a young man.

I was asked at a meeting at the HUB last week what gives me hope for Nova Scotia and I found it hard to answer. I could only come back to the simple things like my relationships to people I trust, new families arriving in our region, the growth of the HUB, a new playground in Mahone Bay, Bayview School - there was nothing grandiose or bigger picture in it.

I keep wondering where all the hope, that the photos and music remind me of, has gone. How do I seem to be able to sustain myself without it? When I pause from my busyness with work and a young family, like in this last holiday period, I find I discover something deeper than hope. Something more long lasting - even more trustworthy.

Faith.

For me, it is in the small things and direct experiences that I find faith: friendships, small steps that get results, kindness of people I do not know. I am not a religious person, in that I do not subscribe to any formal or institutionalized religion. I do discover some basic faith inside of me though. Some unshakeable belief that even in the face of the global turmoil we’ll be okay because people are basically good.

It may be that in the end, all my hard work in governments, organisations and communities here and overseas will amount to nothing. Even in the face of a complete failure of my vision I still have some faith we’ll be okay. When I was having a tough period a few years ago my wife sent me this quote from Edward teller and it has always stuck with me:

"When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."

That’s the feeling I have. No matter how bad things might get there are going to be people and places I can turn to. It is the quality of my relationships that are the bedrock of any vision for something different. The trust I have in my wife, my old friends and the new friendships that have become part of my life here in Nova Scotia and North America.

Once I surrender my grandiose hope for a better world I immediately become more patient and able to deal with the here and now more meaningfully and effectively. If we want to get good results and take the incremental steps towards a fundamental change, I believe we must focus on the things that remind us of our faith. Our relationships to people we trust, the small things in our communities that point to a positive future and the kernel clarity I find inside my heart every time I look - that just tells me everything will work out in the end.

32 Comments

Chris Corrigan link

12/1/2016 21:23:15

You get to do what you're built to do. My own faith keeps me committed to a kind of north star, a vague possibility that there is worthiness is doing "more like this, and less like that."

The thing about evolution is that it depends on a mutation in order for an organism to develop a new kind of fitness for its environmental and contextual challenges. But evolution does not proceed from a plan, knowing which mutation will be the one that sticks. A million genes mutate, and perhaps one of those mutations is the thing that makes the organism a better fit for its environment.

And it's the same with the work that we do and the systems that we work within. We apply ourselves to bits and pieces of disruption to see whether or not what we are doing will have an effect. And when it does, we do a little more like that. Over time, it all contributes to the evolution of the system, but we never get to decide before hand what that's going to look like.

So for me, faith is about kindness, friendship, healing, fun...when I find myself doing that stuff, even if it's in the context of a technical challenge in a type A business environment, that feels right to me. Right enough. It's what I can do, and I have faith that as long as I stay grounded in goodness, my little bits will contribute to a bigger goodness in ways I will probably never see or fully understand.

With you. You know that. :-) Happy New Year.

Tim

13/1/2016 03:54:51

Hey Chris, yes to the above ... Especially the notion that we are part of something bigger we never get to see. It's like that saying of "think like a movement" because you are most likely part of one (or many) but don't realize it.

The responses to this blog have been interesting too. Many of 'yup' and a few people sending me condolences and messages of support. That was unexpected ... I feel this blog is fundamentally positive in outlook.

Chris Corrigan link

13/1/2016 14:19:46

Perhaps the condolences are coming from the place where you talk about being tired.

Maybe you could provide a few comments on how "hopelessness" gives you energy and inspiration for your work?

For me, "hopelessness" is a kind of liberating, energetic idea, when I hold it with the non-attachment that I think Meg talks about. How about you?

Tamar

14/1/2016 11:55:25

Nicely stated Chris.

Karl

12/1/2016 21:48:58

You drop an anchor in shallow waters and let the boat travel into deeper waters. The rope increases through experience. Beautiful thoughts beautifully expressed.

Tim

13/1/2016 03:47:57

Thanks Karl. I like the image ...

Helen Brown

12/1/2016 22:01:02

A Blessing for One Who is Exhausted
--by John O'Donohue (Jul 26, 2011)

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight,

The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken for the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

--John O'Donohue, from "Blessings"

- See more at: http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=736#sthash.RTHzaIm3.dpuf

Tim Merry

13/1/2016 03:45:40

Beautiful. Thank you

Peter Merry link

13/1/2016 06:35:18

That's beautiful Helen and very resonant... Thanks for sharing it.

Paul Smart

13/1/2016 03:45:24

Its so easy to get distracted and bogged down in 'the bad things that happen' whether at home, at work, local, national or global. Thus begins the tumble into despair, helplessness, blame and cynicism. And its so hard sometimes. Its good to read your words Tim, I agree with you. Take solace and nourishment in relationships, in conversations and, for me, appreciation. To connect for a few seconds, even if it's a smile between car drivers, can be a powerful thing.

Keep on keeping on.

:)

Tim

13/1/2016 04:12:54

Yes. Thanks Paul.

Peter Merry link

13/1/2016 06:46:36

Thanks Tim, beautifully expressed. There's definitely something in the air, as I'm also going through some kind of significant transition, as are others in my immediate environment.

Do you remember that circle we had with Meg Wheatley in Findhorn where she had us all go round and end a sentence that started with "Living without hope...". It was a powerful experience to me and I often recall it. Faith, or trust, definitely works for me. And the knowledge that as long as I do what am called to do, that is enough.

Every single thing we do, think and feel makes a difference - which is actually the scary thing ;-)...

Yesterday this article flipped my state from fearful worry into compassionate curiosity - http://www.zengardner.com/what-really-matters.

Big love, Peter

Tim

13/1/2016 07:33:46

Thanks Peter. I remember Meg talking a lot about the gift of hopelessness too. Her writing on this is definitely one of the inspirations for this blog. I'll check out the article.

Shawna

13/1/2016 07:22:53

I enjoyed your post Tim. I must say ironically for me, the time in my life that i discovered my deepest hope and faith was after the tragic loss of my daughter. One would think this would be the last place i would find faith and hope, and believe me it did not happen right way, it took time... lots of it. But i feel like being to the lowest lows helped me dig so deep and realize that i had two clear choices. One, give up and bury myself in deep sadness or two, take baby steps to a better place. Slowly this beautiful transfirmation on hope and faith took flight, mixed in with many tears of course, but it was the fresh new appreciation for everything i did have. Appreciation for not only the huge things in my life like my family and friends but even for the little things like the lady bug who landed on my shoulder, or my crappy car. Because even though it was crappy, it still took us where we needed to go. I feel a refreshed sense of hope and faith, but it came after a tragic loss and as devastating as that has been I feel so thankful that at least it had some purpose in my life and it eventually brought me to an amazing place spiritually and deepened the core of my soul and brought me to a beautifully hopeful and faithful place. Good luck on your journey my friend

Tim

13/1/2016 07:58:48

Shawna - thanks for posting. Although I have not had to face the death of my child, I do feel that every time I walk to the abyss I discover the core of me. I live with cyclical depression and anxiety which in someways have been the signposts through which I have discovered who I am. In the darkest moments, deepest confusions and most painful honesty I have met myself and what I stand for ... and looked around and noticed who is with me.

I love the lady bird story too. The basic gratitude for life that comes when I stop wishing the world was something else and start accepting it as it is.

Carsten Ohm

13/1/2016 08:25:52

Beautiful quote from your wife ;-)

My wife and recent thinking are pushing me into the same trusting to fly - letting go of the ego control - and let the heart show a way.

Stay well and in touch, brave man - and brave people in this thread and beyond.

Carsten Ohm
Copenhagen
Denmark

Tim

13/1/2016 09:18:17

Hey Carsten - great to hear you. Conversations with Katie are one of the things that keep me sane in all the complexity of the work and life ... thank goodness for our partners.

Shirley Burris

13/1/2016 08:41:46

Go well everyone. In it all people have each other. Work hard to focus on that, and fear may lessen.

Elaine Callaghan

13/1/2016 09:53:03

You truly struck a chord, Tim, as did the subsequent comments. Thanks so much for this. Very timely!

Tuesday Ryan-Hart

13/1/2016 09:54:09

I was actually struck by what you said in your intro to this blog on social media: "I am finding it hard to stay hopeful but am finding there is something underneath my hope that I can rely on and trust..."

That line made me smile because I heard this as you reconnecting with that small, still voice inside yourself and having faith from that place not an external "change the world" kind of place.

Great post, thanks for sharing!

Tim

13/1/2016 09:59:30

Yup. That's right on the heart of it, Tuesday. Thanks for naming it.

Robert Wright link

13/1/2016 12:35:26

"Faith.

"For me, it is in the small things and direct experiences that I find faith: friendships, small steps that get results, kindness of people I do not know."

Your post reminds me of something I learned from Grant MacDonald from Henson College years ago. Early in my career I began to see collaboration as a powerful tool to promote innovation. In a conversation with Grant I was sharing how difficult it was to have various organizations collaborate and he said: "Robert, organizations don't collaborate, people collaborate."

This simple and profound truth really inspired me and empowered my work. Now in the major crises and big problems, I look for people to connect with, to work with, to serve. In those relationships and in the growth in those persons we can support and inspire great change.

So I not only need to "be the change I want to see in the world", I also can "help others to be the change they want to see in the world". And this is my most profound gift and most profound privilege.

Thanks for the post!

Tim

13/1/2016 16:02:44

I love this. Thanks Robert. Sometimes in the midst of being with in organisations or systems I can get caught up in the bigger picture of what we are doing ... and it is consistently true that the one real next step to take is among the humans involved. Like Grant says, organisations don't collaborate, humans do. I so often find I learn (sometimes relearn again and again!) things in my own personal life that then transfer to my work realm.

Tenneson Woolf link

13/1/2016 13:03:04

Thanks for these words Tim. I too feel a rather strange letting go these days. It's scary sometimes, beyond "scary, what a cute description." Scary as in "now wtf?" I question what I'm hoping and why. What I'm believing and why. And recognizing that in addition to holding some rather big dreams, there are times when I need the simple uncomplicatedness of a walk with my dog or playing a game with my 10 year-old. If I'm honest, sometimes I'm not sure how to get by. However, my gut continues to appreciate friends like you, Chris, and others who are in some mix of figuring it out and letting it go. Appreciate you Tim.

Tim

13/1/2016 15:58:49

Thanks Tenneson. Great to hear you. Only at moments of connection do we end up seeing the bigger picture we are part of and then it's only a glimpse. So much trust is asked of us ... it is like the weirder it all gets more I have to just trust ...

Don Sinclair

13/1/2016 13:49:19

Hi Tim, when I "lose hope" I often reach for my well worn edition of Schumacher's "Small is Beautiful" and in particular his second chapter Peace and Permanence. Worth a re-read in light of your thought on basic goodness. Warmest as always. Don Sinclair

Tim

13/1/2016 15:56:42

Thanks Don.

Onno Geveke

13/1/2016 16:38:40

'How do I step into the unknown with trust?'. My question at a great Art of Hosting training in Ontario. And 'faith' and 'joy' were two things that came to mind. Faith that a small action at one place might result in a big action somewhere else. And, although we might not see it, we might find faith in knowing that all these steps will in the end lead to more beautiful things. And, in the meantime, we keep enjoying these small examples where good things are happening. A smile on a face, my little kid dancing and appreciating everything around, a client appreciating deepened relationships in his team. So, let us keep on stepping into the unknown with trust, joy and sometimes wonder. May 2016 be a loving and flourishing year for you and your family. :-)

Tim

15/1/2016 09:01:51

Thanks Onno! Katie and I give every year a name - 2016 is "Steady Growth" ... for ourselves, our kids, our business ...

Andy Harvey

15/1/2016 00:32:08

The process may be as, or more, important than the outcomes. Consider the effect of your work on those working with you and learning from you. Think of the ways they are applying that knowledge in the same way Robert did in response to Grant MacDonald''s offered truth. Have faith in the knowledge that all you did, are, doing, and will do contribute to others furthering your approaches and values and them in the pursuit of their goals.

Tim

15/1/2016 09:00:06

Yes. There is some inherent trust in the unseen that is implied in faith, some lack of need for validation even. Just trust if i do I good honest work and live a good life that it will be helpful ... thanks Andy - and great to hear from you :-)

Racheal S

29/1/2016 10:06:14

Really appreciated your blog Tim. It really is a scary world right now, there seems to be so much hate it's hard to see the good. I've had a bit of a journey myself in the last few months...and have come to the same realization as you...relationships, seeking the good, being grateful for what is now, trying not to think too far ahead, seeking hope. I recently read a post (might have even been facebook- so I do not have the author)... Free your heart from hatred, Free your mind from worries, Live Simply. Give More. Expect less. I love it and think about it everyday...
Just to inspire a little hope for you...this week we had a Core Team meeting, we have new members and I gave a bit of historical context. It made me smile as I talked about the neat but unusual meeting I had at a picnic table on a beautiful sunny day in the middle of the woods in Carleton with this kooky (meant in the most loving way) guy, flipcharts and big ideas about change. This many years later and we have accomplished many things, continue to value what we started, and have once again expanded our connections and relationships and excited to do good (no matter how small) in a very complex and ever changing world.

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2016 - What's beyond hope?

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